One Regret that Took My Breath Away

In light of my last post, I find what I am going to write here now simply profound. My grandpa was in a car crash yesterday and he died this morning. He was 92 years old and living on borrowed time, but what hurts is the abruptness of his passing and the fact that just yesterday I was thinking how I hadn't talked to him in a few weeks and needed to call him. And today as I was running and thinking of how much I miss him already, I thought "I just want to say I love you to him one last time." That took my breath away...literally I began hyperventilating and had to stop.

The other interesting thing about today is that I was supposed to be running in a group at 6am and I missed it. I woke up feeling sick and also sensing that God needed me alone. And then it hit me, just like I always do, I say "see you tomorrow" as if I have control of my life that I can guarantee my presence. And I can't.

In James chapter 4:14-17 it says: Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are {just} a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away. Instead, {you ought} to say, "If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that." But as it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil. Therefore, to one who knows {the} right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.

The Greek word for arrogance is alazoneia which means specifically: an insolent and empty assurance, which trusts in its own power and resources and shamefully despises and violates divine laws and human rights; an impious and empty presumption which trusts in the stability of earthy things.

So for the Christian that trusts that God is the Author and Sustainer of life, for us to presume that we have one bit of control over our lives or that we can guarantee our presence anywhere or anytime is ARROGANT. That was very surprising and humbling to me...and I didn't realize that my personal discomfort with saying "Lord Willing" had less to do with sounding like a presumptuous Christian and more to do with an arrogant sense of pride. And I do know that pride is what it is...because I'm not one to make plans and not show up...to the point of being or doing what I said amidst the chaos of the things I tossed out of my way to get there. It isn't pretty. Pride rarely is. And it certainly thinks of little but itself...or in my case, myself.

The verse that really drives this home for me is the last one: THEREFORE, to one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin. Yup, that's just one more sin the Lord is showing me that it is now time for me to get rid of. He has shown me in so many ways in the last two weeks. I think He was preparing me for my Grandpa's death...and teaching me an important life lesson in the process. Thank you Jesus for your light that outshines all the darkness in my life.

So I'm undergoing a change in attitude toward the things that I plan. To pray first and submit myself to the authority of my King and the "Lord willing" will be as natural as the "I will". Yes, the first part has been missing too.

And finally, I understand why the Lord showed me these verses but did not make them easy for me to share here sooner. He showed me this in James Chapter 1:23-25 this morning:
But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does. (NASB)

Written in honor of my Grandpa H. who always loved me and never judged me and always made me feel special. I love you Grandpa.